Posts tagged Yeah, We Did That

Google

When you think about the presence that Google has in the world today, it’s hard to actually fathom the sheer amount of people doing/thinking/using something Google related. It may just be easier to list the facts:

1) Most visited website on the internet with 7.2 billion daily page views from 620 million users.

2) Most data processed on the internet with 24 petabytes per day -24,000,000,000,000,000 bytes or 1,000 terabytes.

3) Total assets: $40.497 billion dollars.

4) Google is a verb, officially certified by the Oxford English Dictionary in 2006.

5) Google products and Google-owned subsidiaries include YouTube, Google AdWords, Google Chrome, Android OS, Gmail, DoubleClick, Google Earth, Blogger, Orkut, GoogleTalk, AdMob, Postini, Google Buzz and more.

Not too shabby for Larry Page and Sergey Brin, two nice Jewish boys who had a combined age of 47 years old when they created Google in 1996 (they were 24 and 23, respectively). Certainly they could not have expected their creation to completely shape the future of the internet and internet usage, but then again, anyone really trying to formulate a plan for world domination from a garage owes it to themselves to try. Did we mention that these guys take a $1 yearly salary? With the billions each is worth from Google stock, I promise we haven’t forgotten that they’re Jews.

Without Google, countless millions of people would be helpless on the internet. It would be like the pre-Google days of dial-up America Online (now with 1000 free hours!). Remember how your parents would ask for help to write an electronic mail and wonder how you paid the postage. Attachments? Forget about it. You still had to do a book report reading the actual book and maybe using a 1980’s copy of Encyclopedia Brittanica. G-d forbid, you might have actually had to resort to those other mediocre-at-best search engines of the mid to late 1990’s, like Dogpile, Excite, Lycos, AltaVista, Mamma or (gasp!) Yahoo. Let’s not and say we did.


Jeans



There’s few things more classic than blue jeans. Dependable, durable - a perfect standby. They go great with an old t-shirt, a sweater or a dress shirt and blazer. They are worn around the world by people from all different cultural backgrounds. And we wouldn’t be wearing these beloved fashion items if it wasn’t for the Jews. Between two of them, they would revolutionize American clothing. One of them in particular is a guy who’s name is known throughout the world — Levi Strauss.

In 1872, Levi Strauss, a dry goods merchant who had been selling a version of denim jeans to miners in California since the 1850’s and Jacob Davis, a Jewish tailor who purchased denim and other fabrics from Strauss joined forces. Together on May 20, 1873, they applied for a patent on copper rivets to strengthen the pockets and other stress points on denim work pants. Thus the modern day jeans were born.

Things have obviously changed a lot since 1873. Early blue jeans cost $1 - $2. Today, in upper-middle class areas, teenage Jewish girls are harassing their lawyer/doctor/CEO daddies for the newest $300 Seven jeans, most likely paired with $150 fur-lined footwear, aka “the unofficial Jewish American Princess uniform”. Whereas jeans used to be for men working in industrial industries who needed strength and durability in their work attire, now they are sold pre-washed, acid washedripped, bleached and worn by moms. Even the Canadians have their own claim to denim fame, the Canadian Tuxedo.

Next time you grab a pair of your favorite jeans, don’t forget to tip your yarmulke to the greatest Jewish addition to fashion before Ralph Liftshitz.

BONUS: For more information on the unofficial Jewish American Princess uniform, check out this music video we found in the Jewbauchery vault from our favorite Jewish musical comedy duo Mesch & Cod:


The Pyramids




It’s kind of ironic how the ancient Egyptians who once enslaved our people for our labor and the fact that we had the Big Guy on our side versus their Anubis (the god of the dead who had the head of a jackal) are now they themselves fighting for their freedom. As free Jews who savor the privilege of independence, we acknowledge the struggle our forefathers went through to reclaim our freedom and steadfastly support our former taskmasters in their push for the same.

That being said, there are unfortunately stories of looters and rioters wreaking havoc in, around and on the pyramids. Let’s make this clear. My great-to-the-nth-power grandfather built those behemoths with nothing but his bare hands and raw back (unless you blasphemers believe that the aliens built them). He toiled in the scorching desert sun for 210 years, making bricks from straw and receiving lashes from taut whips when he did not complete his work at the torrid pace set for him. We can assure you he didn’t look this good when he did it, either. Once is enough! We’re not going to rebuild them. Don’t fuck this up, freedom fighters — and best of luck.